Un.Believable.

The last 24 hours have been full of emotion at our house. All we needed were 2 pieces of paper, and we would have had everything completed as far as the home study goes. At which point, our case worker would type it all up and then we would go on to the next steps.

I got an email yesterday afternoon from our caseworker stating they were freezing our home study for a year. 

She listed off some things that they "like to see in place" before recommending our family to adopt. We met all the requirements (that we knew of), so this was a surprise that it took this turn. Well, not really even a turn, but a screeching halt.

I called her right away and told her that this was a shock and not okay when the life of a 12 year old hung in the balance. She backed up a bit and said that if we could X, Y, Z before a year, she would be happy to help us move on.

I got very high pitched and told her we had decided not to re host "K" this summer because we thought we would be bringing her home, and I thought the hosting deadlines had come and gone and now she was throwing this bombshell on us.

I called Gabe. He was fortunately on his way home. He was calmer than I was. Once he got home we talked over our options.

Honestly, we still have no idea what to do. We don't know if going with another agency is the thing to do, or somehow jumping through all these new hoops in what is hopefully less than a year is the right choice. We are praying for direction, but so far we have none. And it will take several thousand dollars to get these new hoops taken care of.

I was in a car accident once where the airbags went off. If you have ever been hit in the face with an airbag, you know that it is a painful and stunning event. When I got hit with the airbags, I just sat in the drivers seat staring at them as they deflated. I couldn't really see because the powder in the airbags had covered my glasses. I couldn't breathe because the wind had been knocked out of me. And I couldn't think straight because I was literally smacked senseless. I would have one clear thought ("Oh, wow. That's my lipstick on the airbag. Is my mouth really that wide?") Followed by several muddled thoughts ("How do I open the door? Nope, that's the window. Nope, that's the other window..." "Yes, that's my phone, no, I don't remember how to use it.").

That's very similar to what the last 24 hours have been. Thoughts swimming around my brain, prayers spewing out, but not really making any sense, and then they will and then I have an idea and then I see how it won't work.....I'm upset, I'm numb. I'm full of faith, I'm panicked. I cry for myself, my girls, and K....I recover and teach Jadyn math. It's exhausting.

We do know this. We will NOT give up. We will NOT back down. K is our daughter, and we WILL follow this adoption through. This is not a closed door, just a set back.

In the meantime? We re host. The deadline is next week, and P134 is checking in K's country to make sure it's okay on their end that she revisit us. She would arrive on July 8th.

The difficult thing is that we need $2500 for hosting. Immediately. We have a VERY tiny portion that we were using to finish paying for our home study, but can now use for hosting. We will have the yard sale (again) this weekend.

Meanwhile we pray and wait on God.

Please pray with us. 

Home Study Update:

We are almost done with our home study. This is a 3 part process that involves meeting with our case worker 3 times and completing piles of paper work. Back ground checks, finger prints, doctors visits, blood work, drug tests, family information, reference letters, septic tank checks, and pet vaccinations are among the things that are required as part of our home study. Last week, our case worker came out to our home to walk around and make sure everything was clean, safe and ready. I am very hopeful that by the time Gabe's blood work gets back from the lab sometime next week, we'll have the last of the needed documents ready to turn in.

Meanwhile, we are trying to fund raise. We had a Chickfila Spirit night that netted us $68. Not great, but since every penny helps, I am thankful. (Plus I got to hang out with friends the whole evening, :) ) We have had 2 yard sales, and since we have had more items donated, we will do it at least once more. I also had a booth at our church's Spring Market to sell my memo boards. Sold a few, had a sweet family make a donation, but still made less than $60.

This adoption is going to cost roughly $20,000. We are doing what we can, and fundraising what we can. Our most immediate financial need is roughly $200 to put with what we have saved/raised to send in once the home study is complete.

Please consider what you can do. No amount is too small or insignificant.


 Little is much when God is in it.

Brief Updates~

Quick Update Time:::

We (finally) got the rest of the cash needed to get the ball moving on the home study. Well, the 'official' home study. We do know some things that we needed to do, like get the cats vaccinated and get the kids up to date on their shots as well, documents to make sure we have, etc....so we have been getting that done. There has also been some, OK, a lot, of paper work, to print off and sign as well. Nothing that qualifies as earth shattering.

K had her 12th birthday last week. You can read about that HERE in case you missed it. All day long, I kept thinking, "Hang on, Baby. We're coming." Then I would stare in the mirror and think "You have a twelve year old. Does that make you feel weird?" And then I'd smile and think No way! Sounds perfect!

Adoptions from "L" take 3 trips. The middle trip is one I will have to go alone. It's very short and fairly far off, but I was occasionally worrying about it. Yesterday at our small group, a friend came up and said she felt like she was supposed to tell me that she would go with me if I wanted. Spend her own dime and go with me. Um, YES! Now instead of being nervous, I am excited! I love that God was a few steps ahead of me.

We also have a few fundraising projects in the works. The first one is a Yard Sale this weekend. If you are in the area and have anything to donate, please let me know and I will get with you about picking it up. If you are not in the area, please pray for us this weekend...heavy shopping traffic and good weather will be needed/appreciated!

We are also working on a Chick Fil A spirit night, and our church is having a Spring Market that we will have a booth at. As those fall together, I will post details.

We have a lot going on to keep us busy and lists so that we can see the progress being made. We are praying that K will be patient and not grow hopeless with all the waiting. Really, that's all she has is our word that we are coming and then she waits. And Waits. I know it's very tough on her.

Hang on, K. We ARE coming.

Birthday Thoughts

Today, 12 years ago, a little bald baby was born in a country I never even heard of until about 4 years ago.



We were meant for each other, although we did not know it yet.



She has been through so much for a single soul to endure

 

God has definately had His hand on her.



We wish we could be with her today, but our thoughts and prayers and certainly with her.


We love you, K! Happy birthday!



I'd really like to be numb from the hairline down, please and thank you

I was going to wait til I was in control of my emotions before I wrote this out. I don't feel like waiting~ maybe if I blog this stupid day, my chest will lighten up and the pain will subside.

I haven't blogged at all about K's visit. I feel like I posted so many pics on Facebook....I felt like that was my blogging.

But today the 4 weeks came to an end. We won't see her again for probably 6 more mos. The last week she has followed me around (more than usual) and been extra huggy. A lot of kids start to pull back emotionally when the time gets closer for them to go 'home'. K did not. She seemed to take today out on her food. She has a very good appetite, and isn't a very picky eater. Today she only ate 2 muffins. She didn't even beg me for marshmallows. About noon, she started getting more reserved. She stayed that way until it was time to go (around 4:30). We had to pull my oldest daughter off of her. The middle one teared up and hid behind her wild hair. My youngest just acted goofy and like it wasn't a big deal. I was trying to MAKE it a big deal, so she would hug K and really mean it and pay attention, but I couldn't say too much because the other two were already so upset.

K told all the girls goodbye. Then she had to hunt down each cat. Thank goodness she found all three, or we'd still be here watching her look in every nook and cranny.

No one talked on the way to the airport. She didn't want to stop and get anything to eat. I was close to vomiting, and cried a little (on and off) the whole way there.

K held my hand going into the airport. She doesn't know it's not 'cool' for a preteen to do such a thing. I'm glad she doesn't know- I love it.

Even though she enjoys seeing her friends at the airport, she doesn't wander too far off without coming over to lean on me and say she loves me. She jokes with Gabe. She is silly with her friends. She is shocked her best friend is crying about leaving. I think that unnerved her.

I make them promise to behave and look after each other.

I beg God to let me be her momma and never have to drop her off at this airport again.

We stand around for awhile, and then it's time to go.

Her time here is up. Another round of hugs and kisses and "I love yous". They have to last her til summer. They have to make up for the last 11 years.

I don't know how parents send kids to the Army. Or college. Or the mission field. I want her to stay. I want to pick her towels up and tell her to turn her mp3 player down. I want to say no more candy and thanks for folding the laundry. I want her where I can see the smudges on her glasses and hear her crunching onions. I want her where I can see she is in bed at night and hear her talking out loud in her sleep. I want the girls to have their sister. I want to be pestered for just one more game of UNO.

I want this ache in my chest and head to stop.

If I Could Bottle What it Feels Like to Have her Home~

I'm sure I won't have time or be able to blog after EVERY day, but the first full 24 hours need a post.....

We got K from the airport last night about 9:15 or so. We could see her behind a glass wall with all the other kids that had flown in to ATL together. I was hopping up and down to see over the people in front of me, but I was finally able to get my first glimpse of her in 5 mos. I kept waving like a crazy person, and she finally realized it was me and waved back. They were bringing all the little hosted children out first, so we had to wait an extra few minutes to get our hugs. It felt like an eternity. I choked up the longer I had to just stand there, and by the time they let her walk out to us, I had the ugly cry going on. I think it was emotional for her too. Gabe was kind and let me cry all over her first, and then he grabbed both of us in a bear hug....guess I took too long. Once I let go, she fell into his arms too, and then that made me cry more.

Then after the hug there is that moment where I want to ask her a million questions, but I know she is tired and when she is stressed, her English goes out the window. So I just stand there and try and clean up the water works. She hugged Craig, who is the one that met her on his mission trip in March and we credit with 'matching' us. Her BFF "M" is being hosted by friends of ours, so I told her hello and hugged her as well. I have emailed this friend some, and M's English is really good, so after a few minutes we are all talking. M, by the way, has my birthday, and has the cutest lisp and freckles.

So we got to Gabe's truck and she hopped right in and put on his hardhat (which she wore about half way home, LOL). My sister had kept the kids at our house bc the flight was so late (and my youngest had a fever) so the ride was really quiet. We did talk alittle, but it really nice just to have her so close!

She seemed very excited to be back in our house. She seemed to look at everything quickly, as if she was making sure it was the same. She smiled big when she saw our Christmas tree, and then tried to find our cat. Turns out, 2 of our kids heard us come in and woke up to tell her hello. One was too tired to do much but wave, but K's roommate (my middle child) just kept giggling and giggling! She was sooooo happy to have her big sister home.

Today we mostly stayed around the house. We attempted a gingerbread house, but it will not stay up and together. We rode bikes and then after lunch we watched a movie. K plopped on the couch next to me and grabbed my arm and rested her head on my shoulder. She has been easy going and talkative, even though I know she is still terribly tired.

She started to really sag about 3, so we went to the park to take advantage of this really weird warm weather we're having. We all played soccer and then came home to have a snack. She gave herself a manicure, and then painted J and A's nails also. For dinner, I made her favorite: creamy chicken over rice, green beans, corn bread (not really her fave, but still....) and cranberry sauce (because my other 3 really REALLY like it. Don't think K thought it was too great, though......). Then I let everyone have soda at dinner instead of water. She ate 2 good sized helpings. Oh, and Gabe broke out the jarred jalapenos for her.


After a record breaking long shower, she joined us in the living room (barefoot and in her flannel Christmas jammies) and she and Gabe looked at her home town on Google earth. You can actually see tons of street level pictures, and she really seemed to like that. About 7:30, all the kids started begging to go to bed (!?), so off they went. K tried to read a book, but I'm betting she wasn't a page in when I heard her breathing change and she was asleep. (No, I'm not creeping, I have to sit with my 5 year old on the bottom bunk til she's asleep...but if I was creeping, can you blame me?)

To summarize: we're picking up where we left off. It's like she never left and has been here forever. All the 'work' we did this summer, building trust etc, is still in place. I was a tad worried we would have to retrace our steps, honestly. We came so far with her in four weeks. But she is barefoot, affectionate, saying "I love you", letting me wash her clothes, talking, joking, and asking for seconds. They really are simple things, but they did not just happen. She had to learn all that was okay.

I'm so glad she still knows it's okay. And I am. so. glad. she's. here.

Wanna win a Kindle Fire?

Friends of ours are sponsering a giveaway to help us host this winter.

Please check this link out for ways to enter.

Kindle FIRE giveaway~~~