I was going to wait til I was in control of my emotions before I wrote this out. I don't feel like waiting~ maybe if I blog this stupid day, my chest will lighten up and the pain will subside.
I haven't blogged at all about K's visit. I feel like I posted so many pics on Facebook....I felt like that was my blogging.
But today the 4 weeks came to an end. We won't see her again for probably 6 more mos. The last week she has followed me around (more than usual) and been extra huggy. A lot of kids start to pull back emotionally when the time gets closer for them to go 'home'. K did not. She seemed to take today out on her food. She has a very good appetite, and isn't a very picky eater. Today she only ate 2 muffins. She didn't even beg me for marshmallows. About noon, she started getting more reserved. She stayed that way until it was time to go (around 4:30). We had to pull my oldest daughter off of her. The middle one teared up and hid behind her wild hair. My youngest just acted goofy and like it wasn't a big deal. I was trying to MAKE it a big deal, so she would hug K and really mean it and pay attention, but I couldn't say too much because the other two were already so upset.
K told all the girls goodbye. Then she had to hunt down each cat. Thank goodness she found all three, or we'd still be here watching her look in every nook and cranny.
No one talked on the way to the airport. She didn't want to stop and get anything to eat. I was close to vomiting, and cried a little (on and off) the whole way there.
K held my hand going into the airport. She doesn't know it's not 'cool' for a preteen to do such a thing. I'm glad she doesn't know- I love it.
Even though she enjoys seeing her friends at the airport, she doesn't wander too far off without coming over to lean on me and say she loves me. She jokes with Gabe. She is silly with her friends. She is shocked her best friend is crying about leaving. I think that unnerved her.
I make them promise to behave and look after each other.
I beg God to let me be her momma and never have to drop her off at this airport again.
We stand around for awhile, and then it's time to go.
Her time here is up. Another round of hugs and kisses and "I love yous". They have to last her til summer. They have to make up for the last 11 years.
I don't know how parents send kids to the Army. Or college. Or the mission field. I want her to stay. I want to pick her towels up and tell her to turn her mp3 player down. I want to say no more candy and thanks for folding the laundry. I want her where I can see the smudges on her glasses and hear her crunching onions. I want her where I can see she is in bed at night and hear her talking out loud in her sleep. I want the girls to have their sister. I want to be pestered for just one more game of UNO.
I want this ache in my chest and head to stop.
