I thought I'd take a second to explain what a 'home study' actually is and why it takes so long. I really had no idea how involved it would be, myself. It's WAY more than just meeting with a person from the adoption agency and them saying you are nice people and not child abusers and to go ahead.
There is paper work. Tons. The kind you read and initial, the kind you sign, the kind that are easy questions with short answers and the kind of questions that may take a whole page to answer. I had to write a mini-autobiography using the questions they provided. It took almost seven (typed) pages.
There are also things you 'do'. Get your septic tank checked. Get 2 sets of fingerprints. Take a 10 hour online class. Get your kids caught up on vaccines. Get your pets shot...against rabies. Make copies of birth certificates, marriage certificates and divorce decrees. Make copies of health insurance and auto insurance cards. Oh, and driver's licences. Copies of your latest water bill, tax return and pay stub. Everyone gets a check up!
Then! Your social worker will come to your house. (This always makes me clean for days and days. It doesn't matter that they have never actually LOOKED inside the kids bath to check for mold; I will obsess over it!) It's a casual walk thru. They check for fire extinguishers and smoke alarms. No one is sleeping in cages. It's not a house from an episode of Hoarders with piles of trash everywhere. They don't look through your closets or underwear drawers.
Our New Case Worker (who was super fab, BTW) opened her lap top and asked us questions. Lots. We told her about our marriage, what we like to do, where we grew up, where we met, why we left our last agency, etc. Next meeting I think she said she would ask us about our kids and their personalities. I did not feel interrogated; I felt like it was a very important semi-casual conversation. I didn't mind it (once I calmed down from the initial nerves).
So you can see it's a lot. I range from panic about how in the world can I do this without messing it up to oh, this is not a problem and it's sure easier than pregnancy.
And this ^^^ is why the next time a friend says 'we are starting our home study' you should say "Here, let me bring you some ice cream/chocolate/Starbucks coffee/printer ink/brand new pens/bottle of wine."
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
Solid Steps Forward :)
It's been way too long since I posted here. There has been more waiting and waiting, then our adoption agency (who we were already not happy with), totally, ROYALLY screwed us over. This is forcing us to start over with a new agency.
The new agency is doing our home study. But they do not have an accredited adoption program in the country we're adopting from. They are trying to get one up and running, and there's a good chance by the time we are ready, they will be ready too.
However, because we are adopting from a Hague country, we have to have the adoption agency IN PLACE before we start the home study. Translation: If we say Lifeline is doing our adoption & our home study, they HAVE to do both. If we get ready to file our papers and they aren't ready in county with a program up and running, there will be more waiting.
So Lifeline will be doing our home study, and another agency will be doing our adoption. I had a GREAT talk with the adoption agency yesterday. Got our selves a game plan. She understands our situation, and is willing to go as fast as we can go. Our plan is to complete our dossier (even though we will still be waiting on immigration approval) while working on our home study. I am slightly overwhelmed by the thought of all that paper work and paper chasing. But, it's only paper, right? Can't really hurt me, right? If pregnancy hormones threaten to undo me, I can walk away. (See the pep talk I am giving myself???)
The 'draw back' to doing all this simultaneously? Once our home study is complete, we can apply for grants. (Another full time job, I hear.) But then there's waiting. Which is great if you are not in the big, fat hurry we are in. And? To complete our adoption application and dossier fees will be approx $6,000. (We are cool on the funds for our home study, itself. Praise the Lord)
So we can only go as fast as we have cash. Once we get over the $6000 hurdle, we can wait on grants, I think, and hopefully be okay? I can't worry about the second part now....the first numbers and making me woozy.
What can you do?
>Pray. Pray. And Pray.
>Donate items to our yard sale this weekend. Let me know if you can help, and I can come pick it up.
>Donate directly to our adoption agency.
>Use THIS LINK to donate to our Adopt Together account.
The new agency is doing our home study. But they do not have an accredited adoption program in the country we're adopting from. They are trying to get one up and running, and there's a good chance by the time we are ready, they will be ready too.
However, because we are adopting from a Hague country, we have to have the adoption agency IN PLACE before we start the home study. Translation: If we say Lifeline is doing our adoption & our home study, they HAVE to do both. If we get ready to file our papers and they aren't ready in county with a program up and running, there will be more waiting.
So Lifeline will be doing our home study, and another agency will be doing our adoption. I had a GREAT talk with the adoption agency yesterday. Got our selves a game plan. She understands our situation, and is willing to go as fast as we can go. Our plan is to complete our dossier (even though we will still be waiting on immigration approval) while working on our home study. I am slightly overwhelmed by the thought of all that paper work and paper chasing. But, it's only paper, right? Can't really hurt me, right? If pregnancy hormones threaten to undo me, I can walk away. (See the pep talk I am giving myself???)
The 'draw back' to doing all this simultaneously? Once our home study is complete, we can apply for grants. (Another full time job, I hear.) But then there's waiting. Which is great if you are not in the big, fat hurry we are in. And? To complete our adoption application and dossier fees will be approx $6,000. (We are cool on the funds for our home study, itself. Praise the Lord)
So we can only go as fast as we have cash. Once we get over the $6000 hurdle, we can wait on grants, I think, and hopefully be okay? I can't worry about the second part now....the first numbers and making me woozy.
What can you do?
>Pray. Pray. And Pray.
>Donate items to our yard sale this weekend. Let me know if you can help, and I can come pick it up.
>Donate directly to our adoption agency.
>Use THIS LINK to donate to our Adopt Together account.
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Technically
I have started to hear the 'will you be rehosting' question a lot lately.
We have hosted "K" three times while we have waited for her adoption status to clear. We are obviously not going to travel to get her before Christmas (we presume), so it technically would be possible to rehost her this winter and then travel for our adoption in late winter.
Technically.
However, we are throwing all of our heart and soul into fundraising for this adoption. The adoption itself will end up being between $20,000-$26,000. We have spent $7,500 on the previous hosting trips. We cannot see using money that we need RIGHT NOW (for her adoption) to rehost.
I have struggled with this. A lot. I have tried to decide if it's lack of faith, or simply using our limited (and usually donated) resources wisely. What is best for her? What will it do to her spirit to not be rehosted?
Here is what I know:
When we were told in the spring that our adoption was being ground to a halt, we KNEW we were rehosting her. With the same KNOWING that we had in April, we are at peace with not rehosting this winter. Do we like it? Nope. But that is the way it is.
Her best friend, "M", is being adopted along with M's 4 younger siblings and they will be living about an hour away from us. (Take a moment....let that sink in. A family is adopting 5 children, ranging in ages from 15 to 4. No one does that. Sibling groups that large are seldom adopted, especially when there is a teen involved. The faith that it takes to do that blows. my. mind. And they will be close! Not just in the south, or the same state, but DRIVING distance. I believe that this is yet another gift to our "K"....that the friend she has lived with {since she was five} will be close. I get teary thinking about it.)
But back to my point...."M" will not be rehosted for Christmas either, because of the same reasons we cannot host "K". Obviously, I wish both girls would be home with their forever families. But I am grateful they will be together, and one will not be dealing with the loss of the other, plus missing Christmas with their new families.
I did email "K"s social worker (who is a dear lady and angel) explaining our situation. I asked her to please explain to "K" what was going on so she will not feel left or forgotten.
Please pray that "K" will understand, and that we will all be patient while we wait. I cannot imagine being in her shoes and waiting.
And waiting.
Because waiting pretty muchsucks stinks. A lot.
We have hosted "K" three times while we have waited for her adoption status to clear. We are obviously not going to travel to get her before Christmas (we presume), so it technically would be possible to rehost her this winter and then travel for our adoption in late winter.
Technically.
However, we are throwing all of our heart and soul into fundraising for this adoption. The adoption itself will end up being between $20,000-$26,000. We have spent $7,500 on the previous hosting trips. We cannot see using money that we need RIGHT NOW (for her adoption) to rehost.
I have struggled with this. A lot. I have tried to decide if it's lack of faith, or simply using our limited (and usually donated) resources wisely. What is best for her? What will it do to her spirit to not be rehosted?
Here is what I know:
When we were told in the spring that our adoption was being ground to a halt, we KNEW we were rehosting her. With the same KNOWING that we had in April, we are at peace with not rehosting this winter. Do we like it? Nope. But that is the way it is.
Her best friend, "M", is being adopted along with M's 4 younger siblings and they will be living about an hour away from us. (Take a moment....let that sink in. A family is adopting 5 children, ranging in ages from 15 to 4. No one does that. Sibling groups that large are seldom adopted, especially when there is a teen involved. The faith that it takes to do that blows. my. mind. And they will be close! Not just in the south, or the same state, but DRIVING distance. I believe that this is yet another gift to our "K"....that the friend she has lived with {since she was five} will be close. I get teary thinking about it.)
But back to my point...."M" will not be rehosted for Christmas either, because of the same reasons we cannot host "K". Obviously, I wish both girls would be home with their forever families. But I am grateful they will be together, and one will not be dealing with the loss of the other, plus missing Christmas with their new families.
I did email "K"s social worker (who is a dear lady and angel) explaining our situation. I asked her to please explain to "K" what was going on so she will not feel left or forgotten.
Please pray that "K" will understand, and that we will all be patient while we wait. I cannot imagine being in her shoes and waiting.
And waiting.
Because waiting pretty much
Friday, August 31, 2012
Songs
Sometimes, when I am going through something, I find a theme song.
Usually, theme songs make me cry.
Which isn't good when I'm driving.
I have two theme songs for our adoption and I thought I'd share them with you. The first one is "Home" by Phillip Phillips. Things I learned while looking for this video: He's from Ga. He was on American Idol. This songs was used for a lot of Olympic commercials. I live under a rock, so all that was news to me :)
The second is "Beautiful" by MercyMe...Tissue alert.
Today is our 10th anniversary. It's hard to wrap my mind around that while we were saying our vows, there was a 2 year old in a country we had never heard of that would one day be ours. Amazing.
Sunday, August 19, 2012
Did you know?
Did you know my hubby learned how to make bracelets out of paracord? Did you know he was trying to sell them to help raise money for K's adoption? They are pretty awesome, and come in tons of colors and patterns.
Just click HERE to check out.
Then feel free to pass it along. These are easy to mail if you are not local.
So here are two ideas. You can order 1, or 2 or 20 thru his blog. The bracelets range from $7 to $12.
~Or~
You can make a flat donation to the Paypal link at the top of my blog, and leave a note on the Paypal saying you would like a bracelet, and we will send you the one of your choice.
Adoptions are expensive, and we are doing all we can to make it happen. But we will need your help. This is a great way to help us, help K and get something cool for yourself in the process. :)
Thursday, August 16, 2012
Oh Me of Little Faith....
Hosting has come to an end. We took K to the airport at 4:30 a.m. Sunday. We returned to a house that seemed not exactly right without her in it. Almost every night since she left, I go into the room she shares with my 6 year old and look at her bunk expecting her to be there. A few times, I have tried to make her a dinner plate.
She did email us that she was home, cold and very tired. Her school doesn't start for about 2 more weeks.
Then, this morning, I got a surprising email from a social worker associated with her orphanage.
Today, her father's parental rights were officially terminated.
If you are friends with us, or have followed our story, you know that we thought this had already been done. Our initial information was that this had happened last fall, with some sort of waiting period that was up this past April. We thought she was free and clear for us to adopt, which is why we were completing our home study. Then of course, our adoption agency 'froze' our study for 3 mos forcing us to re host.
Am I still upset at our agency? Yes. Do I believe they are wrong? Yes.
However.....
If they hadn't frozen our home study, we would not have found out about the incorrect termination dates in time to re host. She would have been 'stuck' there all summer. By the time we knew what was going on, hosting deadlines would have been long gone. Because they 'screwed us over', we were able to spend 4 weeks with our girl, and that wouldn't have happened otherwise.
Most of the time, when things like this happen, we never see the 'why'. We have wondered 'why' all summer. I have struggled with being angry at our agency, and even God, for the last 4 mos.
With today's email, I wanted to fall on my face. I am grateful He used all this to get her here this summer, and grateful that we saw the answer to why.
It is another chapter in the book of K's life and how God is at work on her behalf. I am constantly astounded at how much He moves and does for her. Obviously, He has huge plans for her. Why I have so little faith is astounding....and not in the good sense of the word.
H
She did email us that she was home, cold and very tired. Her school doesn't start for about 2 more weeks.
Then, this morning, I got a surprising email from a social worker associated with her orphanage.
Today, her father's parental rights were officially terminated.
If you are friends with us, or have followed our story, you know that we thought this had already been done. Our initial information was that this had happened last fall, with some sort of waiting period that was up this past April. We thought she was free and clear for us to adopt, which is why we were completing our home study. Then of course, our adoption agency 'froze' our study for 3 mos forcing us to re host.
Am I still upset at our agency? Yes. Do I believe they are wrong? Yes.
However.....
If they hadn't frozen our home study, we would not have found out about the incorrect termination dates in time to re host. She would have been 'stuck' there all summer. By the time we knew what was going on, hosting deadlines would have been long gone. Because they 'screwed us over', we were able to spend 4 weeks with our girl, and that wouldn't have happened otherwise.
Most of the time, when things like this happen, we never see the 'why'. We have wondered 'why' all summer. I have struggled with being angry at our agency, and even God, for the last 4 mos.
With today's email, I wanted to fall on my face. I am grateful He used all this to get her here this summer, and grateful that we saw the answer to why.
It is another chapter in the book of K's life and how God is at work on her behalf. I am constantly astounded at how much He moves and does for her. Obviously, He has huge plans for her. Why I have so little faith is astounding....and not in the good sense of the word.
Hebrews 11:1 "Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see."
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
The first 2 weeks of hosting
It's been awhile since I posted. After the bomb got dropped on our home study, people from far and near donated to our surprise re-hosting costs. $2500 came in over the course of only 10 days. It was amazing to see people we didn't even know donate on K's behalf, as well as friends that have given so much already.
She arrived for re hosting on July 8th, and things have been going really well. Jet lag hit her a lot harder this time than ever before, and it took her almost a week and a half to adjust. Usually it's only about 4 days or so for her, so I of course tried to read into her quietness and wanted to panic thinking she didn't want to be adopted by us anymore. I did ask her if she had changed her mind, and she looked at me like I was crazy and assured me that was NOT the case.
{{I have wanted to adopt for so long, and K is so great, I think my brain can't absorb what is in front of me. Part of me want to have a party, and part of me will believe it when court is over.}}
She seems more mature this visit, a bit calmer, not as clingy. Her English continues to grow by leaps and bounds. She seems to have more confidence this visit- more sure of herself. Sometimes when I see her in clothes that I specifically bought for her (as opposed to donated clothes, cute as those are!), I tear up. Just a tad.
{{But that's OK, right?}}
She is here until mid August. I don't think about sending her back. I just pray that we get this home study completed and get a court date in October sometime.
We want our daughter home.
Where she belongs.
She arrived for re hosting on July 8th, and things have been going really well. Jet lag hit her a lot harder this time than ever before, and it took her almost a week and a half to adjust. Usually it's only about 4 days or so for her, so I of course tried to read into her quietness and wanted to panic thinking she didn't want to be adopted by us anymore. I did ask her if she had changed her mind, and she looked at me like I was crazy and assured me that was NOT the case.
{{I have wanted to adopt for so long, and K is so great, I think my brain can't absorb what is in front of me. Part of me want to have a party, and part of me will believe it when court is over.}}
She seems more mature this visit, a bit calmer, not as clingy. Her English continues to grow by leaps and bounds. She seems to have more confidence this visit- more sure of herself. Sometimes when I see her in clothes that I specifically bought for her (as opposed to donated clothes, cute as those are!), I tear up. Just a tad.
{{But that's OK, right?}}
She is here until mid August. I don't think about sending her back. I just pray that we get this home study completed and get a court date in October sometime.
We want our daughter home.
Where she belongs.
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