The last 24 hours have been full of emotion at our house. All we needed were 2 pieces of paper, and we would have had everything completed as far as the home study goes. At which point, our case worker would type it all up and then we would go on to the next steps.
I got an email yesterday afternoon from our caseworker stating they were freezing our home study for a year.
She listed off some things that they "like to see in place" before recommending our family to adopt. We met all the requirements (that we knew of), so this was a surprise that it took this turn. Well, not really even a turn, but a screeching halt.
I called her right away and told her that this was a shock and not okay when the life of a 12 year old hung in the balance. She backed up a bit and said that if we could X, Y, Z before a year, she would be happy to help us move on.
I got very high pitched and told her we had decided not to re host "K" this summer because we thought we would be bringing her home, and I thought the hosting deadlines had come and gone and now she was throwing this bombshell on us.
I called Gabe. He was fortunately on his way home. He was calmer than I was. Once he got home we talked over our options.
Honestly, we still have no idea what to do. We don't know if going with another agency is the thing to do, or somehow jumping through all these new hoops in what is hopefully less than a year is the right choice. We are praying for direction, but so far we have none. And it will take several thousand dollars to get these new hoops taken care of.
I was in a car accident once where the airbags went off. If you have ever been hit in the face with an airbag, you know that it is a painful and stunning event. When I got hit with the airbags, I just sat in the drivers seat staring at them as they deflated. I couldn't really see because the powder in the airbags had covered my glasses. I couldn't breathe because the wind had been knocked out of me. And I couldn't think straight because I was literally smacked senseless. I would have one clear thought ("Oh, wow. That's my lipstick on the airbag. Is my mouth really that wide?") Followed by several muddled thoughts ("How do I open the door? Nope, that's the window. Nope, that's the other window..." "Yes, that's my phone, no, I don't remember how to use it.").
That's very similar to what the last 24 hours have been. Thoughts swimming around my brain, prayers spewing out, but not really making any sense, and then they will and then I have an idea and then I see how it won't work.....I'm upset, I'm numb. I'm full of faith, I'm panicked. I cry for myself, my girls, and K....I recover and teach Jadyn math. It's exhausting.
We do know this. We will NOT give up. We will NOT back down. K is our daughter, and we WILL follow this adoption through. This is not a closed door, just a set back.
In the meantime? We re host. The deadline is next week, and P134 is checking in K's country to make sure it's okay on their end that she revisit us. She would arrive on July 8th.
The difficult thing is that we need $2500 for hosting. Immediately. We have a VERY tiny portion that we were using to finish paying for our home study, but can now use for hosting. We will have the yard sale (again) this weekend.
Meanwhile we pray and wait on God.
Please pray with us.
